The Forgotten Journals
by SakuraNeChan
Summary: You're there. You always were. You're my father; you're the one who is so close to me. Yet you are so far. Too far. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. If I call out to you, will you help me? Or will my words fall on deaf ears? Will you be able to hear me? Or will you be too far away? If I scream, will you be able to hear me? Will you even care?


**Prologue**

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**RATING: PG-13 for angst, yaoi, dark themes, and incest**

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_You're there. You always were._

_You're my father; you're the one who is so close to me. Yet you are so far._

_Too far._

_I don't know what to do. I'm lost._

_If I call out to you, will you help me? Or will my words fall on deaf ears?_

_Will you be able to hear me? Or will you be too far away?_

_If I scream, will you be able to hear me? Will you even care?_

_If I cry and fall, will you be there to catch me? Or will I be left alone to suffer in my own demise?_

_It hurts._

_I don't know what to do._

_There are so many words that are dying to escape my lips. But I am never brave enough to voice my heart._

_I'm too scared._

_And I know you hate that._

_How much longer must I stand here and cry? How much longer must I hide beneath my façade?_

_I'm tired of it. Tired of hiding behind my soulless mask._

_What's the point? If I run away, you'll abhor me._

_If I stay, I'll eventually break down and never get back up. I'll shatter and explode like glass before I can stop myself._

_Love._

_I love you._

_But it is nothing more than a taboo. If they find out, they'll loathe me; I'll be disgraced and shamed._

_And I'll only die more and more._

_They think I'm like this because I simply want to be. Because I'm just cruel and malevolent like that._

_But I'm not. Not entirely._

_I may be cruel, malevolent, and evil but I'm no different from the rest of them._

_I'm still human. I still hurt._

_I still cry._

_But no one can hear my screams. Even you are oblivious of the war the rages inside my heart._

_It becomes so bad that I want to die._

_But I'm still not brave enough to destroy my will to live. I'm so weak. Too weak._

_And I know you hate that._

_There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. In the end, I'm left out in the open to die. But there is nothing and no one to accompany me._

_No one but my own bleeding heart._

_I can't look at you._

_Not without crying, not without dying, not without running away._

_It hurts._

_Depression is my only friend now._

_My façade is so thick, so powerful, that even I cannot even recognize own self anymore. My body is no longer mine to call._

_When I look at the mirror, I see someone else. I only see a mere ghost of the being known as Draco Malfoy, not the same old person that I've always thought I knew the most._

_When I look at you, I see my father. But at the same time, I see someone else._

_Those old days, those days when I still had control of myself, are now nothing more than a mere memory. A figment of imagination._

_It's_ _nothing more than a dream. A nightmare._

_One that I can't wake up from and worse of all, I'm living it._

_To me, the manor is nothing more than a cage. My cage. It is only designed only to trap me and exploit my deepest fears and secrets. Yet everyone is so oblivious of my feelings and struggles._

_It's all an illusion._

_Sometimes I think that you're standing right next to me when you're actually miles away. Sometimes I hallucinate that you love me in return in that sinful manner when you're actually just expressing your paternal feelings. In the end, I can't even tell the difference between reality and fantasy._

_But despite these raging feelings that threaten to rip and eat me apart internally, I won't let you or anyone else know. I don't want to imagine how'd you react or what you'd say. Most of all, I don't want to imagine you crying for me. Because I'm not worth it._

_There's no use crying for an empty hollow shell. That's all I am. I feel no better than a ghost does; abandoned and forgotten. It doesn't matter how much I scream out, doesn't matter how many times I cry, it doesn't matter how many times my voice cracks, doesn't matter how many times I end up bleeding inside._

_Because no one knows._

_The waves are only growing and growing. Soon, the dam will break and I won't be able to escape my fate. The waves, sooner or later, will drown and engulf me. I can try and run, but there's no way out. No escape._

_It's only a matter of time._

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Short prologue. WILL CONTAIN MALFOYCEST IN LATER CHAPTERS. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE, DO NOT READ. DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THIS, EXCEPT FOR MY IDEAS. ALSO, NO PLAGIARIZING. IT IS ILLEGAL. Apologize if I misinterpreted the information concerning the Harry Potter series wrong; I've just started to watch the movies. I've noticed there are a lot of Draco/Lucius fanfiction that contains smut, rape, and more smut. So I've decided to write a fanfic where there's not so much of that stuff going on. There will be little to no incest at the beginning of the story. Later, there will be. This MAY transpire into an M-rated fanfic. Since I have no idea if I want to add in a little bit of M-rated content, that question is directed you, the reviewers. So, what do you think?


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